Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Rule Breaker   Leave a comment

I’m by nature a rule follower . . .almost to an obsessive degree.  Even an accidental infraction sends me into a tale spin of waiting for the world to fall apart.  Rules help me to know what to expect of myself and others.  I grew up in a home that was very chaotic and without a lot of structure.  There was love and joy . . . but also a lot of brokenness, fear and confusion passed down from generation to generation.  Many social rules, I had to “figure out” on my own.  It’s rooted in being able to control outcomes, I’m sure.  Have you noticed that I have some control issues?  Yeah, that’s another recent “truth bomb”.  I like for things to make sense.  There is comfort it in for me . . . or is it just familiar bondage?  I feel religious, and like I must be spiritual when I’m successfully following all the rules and meeting expectations.

I’m reading John 5, the story of the man by the pool at Bathesda, and I’m struck by the realization . . . JESUS IS A RULE BREAKER.  I’m reading and relate to the crippled man.  THIRTY EIGHT YEARS in that condition.  There are things that God is showing me that have been there my ENTIRE life or at least most of it.  I find myself wondering how I can be freed from attitudes and behaviors I’ve had my entire life.  But here this man is . . .  THIRTY EIGHT YEARS of something drastically affecting this his quality of life.  He sitting by a pool, hoping to be the first one in to get his healing, but having no one to help him get there.

“For an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water” (Jn 5:4 NASV).  So here we find a man, crippled, waiting for the season of healing to come.  He’s positioned himself as close as he can to get his healing.  “Whoever then FIRST, after stirring up the water, stepped in was made well from whatever disease with which he was inflicted”. (Jn 5:4b).  If you thought Black Friday crowds were bad . . . I can’t even imagine the scramble to get to the water.  Every time the water is stirred, it’s a race for healing.  This man can’t move quickly enough and there is no one to help him.  So, he literally has a front row seat to other people getting the healing he’s been waiting for.  I’m sure many of them haven’t been there waiting, believing hoping as long as he has.  I don’t know if you can relate, but I can.  You’re waiting to be healed, you’re waiting for an answer to prayer, you’re waiting for relief from your distress.  And it seems that you have a front row seat to everyone else’s blessing.  Yes, you’re happy for them, but there is that nagging question.  When is it my turn?

What does this have to do with rules?  Well, here are the “rules” to this particular “competition”.  You wait.  Wait.  Wait.  Then the water stirs.  You HAVE to be the FIRST one in, or no healing.  No one else gets healed. I’m not sure if this man was at this pool for 38 years, or simply ill for 38 years.  But either way, it is clear, he has been sick a LONG time, and he has been waiting by the pool for his healing for a LONG time.  The chances of him getting to the pool first are slim to none.  But yet he waits.  In the small chance that he changes what has been true his whole life.

In John 5, we find this man waiting.  And what happens?  AFTER THIRTY EIGHT YEARS HE GETS HIS HEALING!  As far as I can tell, it wasn’t the right season, it wasn’t even the right DAY . . . He is just waiting.  And in comes Jesus, bypassing the entire system.  In fact, it was the Sabbath, so it infuriated the Pharisees that he healed the man and told him to pick up his mat.  JESUS BROKE THE RULES!  HE BYPASSED THE SYSTEM! I don’t know about you, but this is SO encouraging to me.

I have so many unwritten rules . . . I need to have followed all of Dave Ramsey’s steps to Financial Freedom BEFORE God had bless my finances.  I need to do the recommended amount of exercise and follow the exact recommendations (of the thousand eating plans out there) BEFORE God can heal my body.  I need to repent of every sin, known and unknown, forgiven everyone, broken generational curses and soul ties . . . all with specific prayers . . . BEFORE I can get spiritual freedom and deliverance.  And I find myself falling short.  I can’t possibly execute all the requirements perfectly.  I find myself watch other’s reach those waters first and get their blessing.  But here I am, so close, but still out of reach.  I have no idea how to make up the distance between myself and that pool, and my human effort is failing EVERY TIME.

BUT JESUS.  He doesn’t care about the “rules”.  He is above them.  He comes and everything changes.  He’s not hindered by man made rules.  He doesn’t even care if it’s the “right season”, or the “right day” or if it’s socially acceptable . . . He doesn’t follow the structure that religion has set.  So here is my truth for today . . . My rules and rituals are useless.  I need Jesus.  So here I am, another day, inviting Jesus into my failures, into my shortcomings.  Because He isn’t bound or hindered by them, and He doesn’t care what people think!  He isn’t restricted by my silly rules.

It may not be my season, it may not be my day, but it doesn’t matter.  One WORD from the Creater of the Universe, and things that have been the same way my ENTIRE life can change in an  INSTANT.

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Posted November 28, 2018 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

The Messy Truth   Leave a comment

There are so many areas that over the years become dark and fade . . . areas of hurt and betrayal, failures, mistakes . . . things that I thought I “cleaned up” , but as truth turns the light on them, I realize that I’ve stashes some things in closets that should have been gone years ago.  I’m excited about the idea of “practicing truth” and what it will mean for me and my relationship with God and others in the long haul . . . but it’s been 24 hours and I feel like I have a pile that was stashed nicely in a closet, now laying on my living room floor.  I’m realizing quickly that this endeavor isn’t for the faint of heart.

I spent most of yesterday tearing up over the smallest things.  In my car, talking to a friend, making supper . . . So many emotions unleashed just by the decision to “practice truth” in every area.   There are wounds I thought were healed, that need some extra TLC.  There are idols in my life that seem innocent enough, but are crippling my walk with God.  There are fears that I’ve just accepted and accommodated, as if I need to live that way.  There are coping mechanisms, that may be socially acceptable, but are ultimately hindering my growth and wholeness.  There’s enough that I’m not sure where to start.  So, I land on my first truth.

I can’t do it all.  I’m in desperate need of God.

That may seem simple and obvious to most people.  But I’ve spent a lifetime trying to fix things that weren’t in my control, trying to pay penance for sins that weren’t mine, trying to redeem myself for sins that were and trying to keep my world from falling apart.  I’m sure there are a thousand truths tied together in those phrases, but to me, right now, they’re all in one big blob.  It’s a mess, and I don’t know where to start.  But God does.

I so often do with God, what people do before a housekeeper comes to clean their house . . . I want to clean everything up before I ask Him to clean it up.  I’ve done it so many times . . . try to sort out messes and them come to God and say “Look, I did this, so can you just do this, this, and this . . . ?”.    But why?  I’m tired and distracted, and there’s no reason for it aside from my own pride.  God offers to sit in that mess with me, and pick through it together.  Not only is is unnecessary to tackle it myself, but it’s downright offensive to God.  Rather than making Him more welcome in my life, I’m holding Him at arms length . . . or at least telling He’s only welcome in one room, but not the other rooms of my home.  He wants to LIVE here, with me, with my mess.  He wants to BE with me and help me clean it up.  It’s very hard for me, and it’s emotional, and it’s scary.  I’m not sure why, because God has been with me as long as I can remember.  But this level of truth and vulnerability is so foreign to me.

I read John 4 today, and came across the following verse:

” But an hour is coming and now is, when the true worshiper will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.”  John 4:23, NASV

Looking at the Greek word for worship, I see such a position of humility.  “to fall down/prostrate oneself to adore on one’s knees” (Strong’s Greek 4352).   I personally can’t think of a more humbling act in my life, a more real way to worship, then to invite God into my mess and admit I can’t do it on my own.  So, here I am, with tears in my eyes, feeling extremely uncomfortable, saying “Lord, come on in.  There isn’t a  part of my life that you aren’t welcome in.  Please feel free to look through closets and in my junk drawers . . . even my laundry room.   You aren’t just welcome as a guest, but this is your home too. ”

 

Posted November 27, 2018 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

Inconsistent   Leave a comment

My blogging habits are a testament to the inconsistency that seems to infest my life.  I determine to develop certain habits and they drop off within weeks, sometimes days.  I’m not sure why the thing I’m so consistent with is being inconsistent.  It’s likely routed in perfectionism and overthinking.  I wait until I have time to make the blog post as polished as possible.  I wait until I can clean every crevice of my home at one time to tackle the closets.  I wait until the perfect time to deal with the attitudes and thoughts in my life that I know are toxic. So many things on my “to do” list.  In my personal time, I’ve come to one that has become the top of my list.  It’s not a new routine to declutter my home, or a new diet or exercise regiment.  It’s harder and deeper, and will infiltrate every part of my life.  I’ve determined to “practice truth”, in every area, whatever that means.

” But he [or she] who practices truth comes to the Light” John 3:21 NASV

One of my deepest desires is to know God, to see Him for who He really is, and as a result understand who I am and shine in a dark world.  I find myself running around in the busyness of life feeling tired, exhausted and condemned for being so “dim”.  If I could just read the bible for x amount of minutes each day, pray for x amount of minutes, give for x amount of minutes, serve for x amount of minutes . . . then my light would shine.  And yet, it’s never enough and it leaves me more dim than before.  So, I’m going to the source.  The LIGHT, the only true source of truth.  What does this have to do with inconsistency?  Well, this is another area of  my life that I find dismally inconsistent.  I’m not talking about telling the truth.  I’m truthful to a fault . . . I can’t begin to recount the number of times I’ve ended my day questioning more than one “overshare”.  I’m talking about PRACTICING the truth.  The hard truths of my life.  The things that I glance at in my quiet times, and think, “I’ll tackle that when I have more time”.  Just like I’ll tackle my closets when I have more time . . . well, if you can imagine, my closets are in desperate need of organization.

My newest endeavor is to practice truth.  EVERYDAY.  Even in the smallest bite.  Even if it’s ugly and I can’t have it organized and perfect before work starts, or I have to pick my child up from school.  Today I start with admitting I’m inconsistent.  I WANT to be consistent in all areas.  But what if I start with one.  And it’s a big one.  Practicing Truth.  If it brings me closer to the Light, then it is worth it.  It’s worth the time, it’s worth the effort and it’s worth the mess.

The scariest thing about cleaning a closet, is that to effectively clean, really clean, you have to empty it.  That means the big mess that was behind a closed door, laying on the floor requiring that I pay attention to it.  I’m determined to empty those closets, even if it means things look messy for awhile.  I’m also determined to blog . . . as consistently as possible . . . even if it’s messy.  Even in the grammar isn’t perfect and even if it doesn’t flow.  I believe being transparent is part of practicing truth.  So here is me, being transparent, and starting off with admitting that I’m not awesome at being consistent.

Until next time . . . hopefully tomorrow and not a year from now . . .

Signed, imperfect me.

 

Posted November 26, 2018 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

It’s Just a Red Cup . . . OR Is It?   Leave a comment

Starbucks_Holiday_Cups-lowres
I woke today to another battle, another call to action . . . social media full of rants on an extremely vital topic for today’s modern Christ-follower. The war of the red cup. The assault on Christianity by the absence of Holiday fare by Starbucks. Can we all take a step back and look at the big picture here?

Today there is a war on people. There is a war on Christians. And it’s not being fought with a red cup. 700, 000 migrants so far have reached Europe, hoping to escape persecution. Thousands more never made it. (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34131911)

Ask this little boy’s family what persecution looks like . . . most of his family is dead . . . but ask the survivors . . . What were the options? He couldn’t boycott the local coffee shop and win his battle.
refugeeboy
Ask the families of these Christians . . . beheaded for their faith. (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1176709/ISIS-behead-shoot-30-Ethiopian-Christians-Libya.html) What were their options? No one was asking their persecutors to sign anything on the cup they were about to guzzle down. The only cup they got to drink was the cup of Christ’s sufferings. (Matt 20:22).
christians-beheaded
There are thousands more stories and pictures I could share here. Just google “persecution of Christians”. I PROMISE you that nothing about Starbucks or a red cup will show up on your search.

I’m not sure when North America became so spoiled. Maybe it always was, and I didn’t notice, because it’s all I knew. But it appears as if it’s become common practice to cry “persecution” every time a person or group doesn’t follow Christian values . . . to claim bigotry any time someone doesn’t agree with your stand. I have to wonder. What are we doing?! Do we really think this is persecution? Are we THAT melodramatic? I hate to say it, but I think maybe we are. I’m not saying persecution doesn’t exist on North American soil. It certainly does. I’m just asking for a little bit of perspective. Are you REALLY being persecuted by a red cup or when someone wishes you “Happy Holidays”?

Rachel Held Evans has a nifty little chart that can help you answer that questions:
http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/holidays-persecuted

If you’re pretty sure you aren’t being persecuted, but want to make sure you aren’t persecuting anyone else in your greeting, this should help you (http://www.joeydevilla.com/2013/12/08/the-flowchart-for-dealing-with-greetings-this-holiday-season/):
holiday-greeting-flowchart
As the Holidays near, the war to keep “Christ in Christmas” will certainly escalate. I wonder, though, should the battle be more about keeping “Christ in the Christian” and then He will be in EVERY DAY, including Christmas? But what about the war on Christmas?! There is a war . . . but it’s so much bigger than Christmas. It’s a war on humanity, and war on God’s creation . . . and war on God’s children. We’re over here fighting wars about cups, when there is a war on people. The war on Christianity is so much more subtle on North American soil than red cup and rainbow profile pictures. It is the battlefield of the mind, the battlefield of media, the battlefield of theologies and philosophies . . . battles that are mainly being lost due to “friendly fire”. What war are you fighting?

We were called to be a light in the darkness. There IS darkness. Ask yourself . . . are you a light in it? Light dispels darkness just by BEING what it was created to be. Are you BEING LIGHT or are you spending all your time shadow-boxing? This is where the battles are won or lost.

“For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light”
Ephesians 5:8

Here are some highly rated organizations you can partner with to be light around the world:
www.savethechildren.org
www.samaritanspurse.org/
www.convoyofhope.org

You can find even more here:
www.charitynavigator.org

Posted November 8, 2015 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

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Why I Don’t Celebrate Halloween . . . And Neither Should You!   2 comments

halloween

I don’t celebrate Halloween. Right now, either you are applauding me or rolling your eyes . . . Ready for a history lesson on the pagan origins of Halloween? Well, I hate to disappoint. I think it’s common knowledge at this point that traditionally people dressed up in superstitious belief that it would scare away evils spirits. It’s also common knowledge that pagans, Satanist, wiccans, and a variety of other “non-Christian” groups do celebrate the spiritual forces they serve on October 31st . So, do you celebrate Halloween? Are you dressing your children as princesses, celebrities and super heroes as a tribute to Satan? Are you selling your soul for a night of candy and parties?

Well, I’m not, and chances are, neither are you. There is a good chance that you fall in one of two categories. Either you choose not to participate or you celebrate. Before you automatically put yourself in the “don’t participate” category, ask yourself something: Do you on or around October 31st attend a “Fall Fest”, likely including candy, games, and maybe even some bible character costumes? Why don’t you just bump yourself over to the celebrate category? The reality is, outside of hiding in your house with the blinds closed and the porch light off, you celebrate. You celebrate the same thing I do . . . and it’s not Halloween. Halloween is the label we use for a day, sometimes several days, of harmless decorations, costumes, and parties. It is only a true pagan or satanic holiday to a small portion of the population, and chances they won’t be celebrating the same way you are, at the same places. So if that’s not you, you don’t really celebrate the traditional Halloween of history . . . you celebrate something else, and so do I. Community. We celebrate community.

Have I always celebrated community on October 31st? No, I used to celebrate Halloween . . . in the sense that the history of the day always overshadowed my experience. I was one of THOSE kids. The kids that were pulled out of class if there was going to be any kind celebration that included dressing up, candy or pumpkins. I was one of those kids that thought up a different bible character each year to wear to the church “fall fest”. There was usually candy, but the price for it was being forced to watch a lengthy video about the history of Halloween, which, to be truthful, was absolutely terrifying for me. I was terrified of Halloween. Every shadow could possibly be a demon that has been summoned by the ungodly celebrations going on around me. There was so much fear surrounding the entire day for me . . . not only did I feel spiritually powerless, but it was also extremely socially awkward for me. So, as an adult, I’ve decided that Satan doesn’t get even a single day of my life. If there is a fun event in the community going on, I’m there with my child often leading the way . . . it doesn’t matter what day of the year it is, and I’m not going to let an entire day be dedicated to intentionally NOT doing something. I’m deeply confident that every plan I have to celebrate on October 31st will be spent surrounded by people who have a common interest in celebrating nothing more than community.

If you truly fit in the “don’t participate” category, I’m not trying to convince you that you SHOULD celebrate with your community on October 31st. I’m saying, let the rest of us off the hook. Stop telling me I’m less of a Christian because I celebrate. Knock it off, seriously. I completely support your decision to hang out at home, with your porch light off watching movies. I’m not asking you to agree with me, or even change your mind about it. I’m just asking you to maybe change your approach to those of us who do choose to celebrate. But how will they know we are Christians if we participate is such “worldly rituals”? John 3:35 tells us By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” So if you are full of love sitting on your couch, or full of love running door to door . . . THEY WILL KNOW.

Let’s make a deal, how about if you don’t assume I’m celebrating a pagan Holiday as a Christian on October 31st, and I won’t assume that you worship the fertility goddess when you put up your Christmas tree? If you truly have convictions about not celebrating anything that was ever historically connected to Celtic traditions, paganism, druidism or idolatry, by all means, follow your convictions. I commend you. Be true to yours, and I’ll be true to mine. How about we all give each other space to “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil 2:12)?

Regardless of what you choose to do on October 31st, I pray it is blessed and full of joy. I pray that the enemy doesn’t get a moment of glory in your words or actions, and that darkness is not glorified in any way. I pray that fear is far from you, that you are so full of love that fear can’t exist. I pray that you celebrate . . . daily . . . and that this day is no different.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)

Posted October 30, 2015 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

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Making Mud Pies   Leave a comment

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
C.S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory”
There is a restlessness growing. We’ve tried to suppress it, medicate it, throw scripture at it, squash it. But it grows . . . a deep longing . . . a desire so strong and so deep it makes no sense. The longing for more. We’ve been taught to be “content” and bought into the lie that we have to be satisfied. But if we were to be truly honest, we would admit that while we may have found contentment, there is a much deeper longing that has gone unsatisfied. So why isn’t it working? Why isn’t it enough? What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we accept that life isn’t perfect . . . that illness is part of life, that covenant is so easily broken, that premature death must have “been God’s will”? We tell ourselves those lies, but do we really believe them? Do we truly believe that we can confine God to the box of our own experience? There is a part of all of us, so deep a longing and desire, that craves the way things “should be”. God put eternity in our hearts . . . HE PUT IT THERE:
“11 . . . He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God]—yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end.” ( Ecclesiates 3:11 Amp)
It’s uncomfortable. The tension between what scripture and our hearts says can be, and what, in this temporary moment, IS. Even this earth is groaning, as a woman laboring in pain, squeezing the hand of anyone near her . . . to the point of breaking. ALL OF CREATION IS GROANING. “22 For we know that the whole creation has been moaning together as in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only this, but we too, who have the first fruits of the Spirit [a joyful indication of the blessings to come], even we groan inwardly, as we wait eagerly for [the sign of] our adoption as sons—the redemption and transformation of our body [at the resurrection].” (Romans 8:22-23 Amp). Yet we run around trying to dull the ache, as though it can be dulled. We tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough, that if we were more spiritual, we would be able to accept and embrace the death and destruction, and the aches and pains of this life. We weren’t meant to embrace it. We were meant to embrace God, we were meant to embrace eternity. But when experience doesn’t match that glimpse of heaven, deep in our hearts, we sit down in the mud puddle of life and decide that we might as well make mud pies, because that’s all there is. BUT IT’S NOT ALL THERE IS. Jesus taught us to pray: Your kingdom come, Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven”. (Matt 6:10) Is it possible that the very thing that you have been denying, is the very thing that God is rising up in you, to push you to cry out for His Kingdom to come to Earth? Is it possible that you are unsatisfied, because THERE IS MORE. Deep is calling to Deep (Psalm 42:7) . . . and it is calling louder and stronger.

We’re coming to a point in time where it will be impossible to continue to deny it. The groaning, the desire, the restlessness is growing stronger.  That piece of heaven stored in your heart, that glimpse of eternity . . . the dreams and hopes that you thought were dead, get ready . . . God is stirring them up for a reason. Things that you thought were dead, lost, gone . . . unredeemable . . . God is going to resurrect them. He’s calling them forth, just as he did at Lazarus’ tomb. You may have been looking for a miracle, for healing . . . but God is bringing RESURRECTION. He is calling to life parts of you and dreams you’ve had that died a long time ago. Don’t be afraid to stand with the Creator of the Universe and CALL THEM FORTH! RIP OFF THOSE GRAVE CLOTHES!!! It’s ok to be frustrated, it’s ok to be angry when life doesn’t line up with the word of God. You DON’T have to accept it. Jesus stood at Lazarus’ tomb was (John 11:38 Amp). The Creator of the Universe, already knowing that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, looked death in the face, got angry . . . deeply troubled . . . and said “enough is enough”. Your heart is saying enough is enough. God is saying enough is enough. THERE IS MORE! If you will just open your eyes and believe it, YOU WILL SEE IT! Stop believing that the mud puddles you have been playing in are all there is to life . . . that you might as well settle in and make the best of it. Even if it looks good now . . . it’s NOTHING compared to what God is about to bring. LOOK UP! It’s coming! Dream again! Believe again!

Posted October 25, 2015 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

The Intruder   1 comment

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He’s always been there.  As long as I can remember, I could feel him.  His overshadowing presence was familiar even in the womb.  As God was knitting me together, in all wonder, he was still there.  Those around me invited him, and I welcomed the familiarity.  His services served me well, or so I thought.  I was always prepared for the worst, and when it came I was ready.   Fear.  There were times he would turn on me, taunting me, tormenting me.  I would cry out for my Daddy God to tell him to leave me alone, and he always did . . . until the knock on the door came, and I was convinced that a little worry couldn’t hurt, and I opened the door.

The what ifs, the incessant planning, all quality time spent with this life long friend with terrible motives.  Nightmares, self-protection, control . . . all unwelcome gifts from him.  When life looked like the nightmares, it reiterated my need for his presence.  So I could be prepared, ready.  As I grew, his schemes became more obvious.  I learned I could live without him. I kicked him out of my life.  There were ways he had trained me:  Over-planning, incessant control, worry, all the worry, having to know everything I could about every situation to prevent any surprises.  Slowly, those things dropped away.

Then it happened.  Something I never imagined, something I wasn’t prepared for.  A hurt that wounded me in a way that I’ve never felt before.   A loneliness I wasn’t prepared for.  He came knocking, my narcissistic friend.  My Daddy God was enough for me, yet, for some reason, this familiar friend seemed so welcome.  So familiar.  The occasional indulgence wouldn’t hurt, but one visit and he was leaving his toothbrush in my bathroom.   Like an angry lover, abusive mate, I couldn’t satisfy him.  The incessant worry, the inability to silence his voice.  The nagging, perpetual, unrelenting.  Yet, so familiar.  He’ll always keep me prepared, protected, and in my place.  I didn’t realize that this is how I used him.  But it was a high price to pay.  Interfering with new experiences, new friendships, new challenges.

One greater than him wouldn’t stand it.  My Daddy God, who never left me,  would not tolerate such abuse. He had always been a greater friend than this other that hid in shadows.  His love made him disappear.  Yet when I lost sight of my Daddy’s love for me, there he was lurking.  And I tolerated him.  He wasn’t invited, but I didn’t fight to push him out the door.

One night strangled by the death grip of fear . . . fear of failure . . . fear of rejection . . . fear of not being enough or doing enough . . . fear of losing . . . fear of disappointing . . . I had enough.  Kicked out, clothes on the lawn, locks changed.  ENOUGH.  I thought that would be it . . . yet then came the knock.  I refused.  Not a worry, not a single replay of past situations or contemplation of threats to come.  So it grew louder.  Now on the windows, clanging.  Like a protagonist that was defeated, yet only to rise again when you aren’t looking . . . needing a final blow of determination.

All noise.  No power.  He was defeated two thousand years ago.  His power was always limited by the love of a real God that had been welcomed into my heart so many years ago.  God’s love so real, casting out fear. I’m not sure why worry is such temptation.  There are certainly more enjoyable addictions to have.  Yet it served it’s purpose as an addiction.  I may always have to battle the temptation to give in to fear, to a certain extent.  Right now, I have my 3 day chip.  Worry, control and excessive planning are old habits . . . habits being broken.  But if I fail, I don’t need to fear.  God’s grace has already covered the moments that are shadowed by doubt.  And my belief in His love for me is stronger than any doubt in my ability or worthiness.

2 Timothy 1:7  For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

1 John 4:18  “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

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I would love to hear from you!  Have you struggled with fear, worry or doubt?   Have you overcome it, if so, how?  How do you handle it when fear pushes it’s way in?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences and say a prayer for you!

photo courtesy of http://widehdwalls.com

Posted June 24, 2015 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

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