Provision   1 comment

I used to worry about money.  I used to worry about the future.  I used to worry about having enough.  The craziest thing happen.  My life “imploded”.  All my safety nets, my plans, disintegrated. How could I possibly worry about money, there was no amount of budgeting that could fill the gap that an absent spouse left?  How could I worry about the future?  I didn’t feel like I had one any more.  How could I worry about having enough, because I didn’t even really have anything?  There’s an incredible thing that happens when you come to the end of yourself and find yourself in a position where you totally have to rely on God.  I could have chosen to come to this place much sooner, and God would have still reached out His hand in miraculous provision.  As a new visitor to this country, as  a newlywed, as a Mom, I could have release the burden of worry to God and He would have provided just the same.  But I had back up plans, there wasn’t much I couldn’t figure out a plan for.  Even if the plan changed, I could still have faith in that plan.  Do you see the problem?  What happened to my faith in God?  All my faith was in me.  My mind and my mouth confessed to having faith in God, but if you looked at the pressure and stress in my life, you would see that my faith was in myself.  God has provided in so many miraculous ways.

God provided a home for me.  In fact, I’m living quite comfortably at the moment.  I know God has more for me, but I am so thankful for the provision I have now.  Right now I’m sitting in my own home (a rent a duplex, but it’s “mine”), with my own space, nicely decorated, with everything I need.  Over the past 5 years, I spent time being homeless and living with friends.  I have shared a 3 bedroom home with 2 other women and 2 children.  I have lived in someone’s man cave, with one large room and a bathroom.  But here I am, with my own place, perfectly sized for my daughter and I in a great location.  I had a wonderful group of friends provide me with all kinds of furnishings and decorations.

God has provided a vehicle for me.  Actually, He provided 2.  I was driving the truck we owned when my husband left.  He had already sold my car and we were down to one vehicle.    One night he came for the truck I was driving.  It was my only way to get my daughter to day care and myself to work.   God was already on top of it!  I had been offered a Mercedes to drive until I could get my own vehicle.  Several months later, I purchased my own car.  I look back and think perhaps this specific vehicle was another thing I was trying to do on my own.  Within a year the air conditioning went out, and additional repairs were required.  On a single mom income with no child support, I simply didn’t have the money for the repairs.  So I drove around with my windows open, in Texas heat, praying for God to move.  And guess what?  He did!  I have a beautiful vehicle that is roomy and everything works well.  It was given to me by an amazing couple in our church.

God has provided a support network for me.  One thing that happened in the last year of my marriage, is that I became very  isolated.  I believed a lot of lies about how people viewed me and the nature of a lot of my friendships.  I’m so thankful for my amazing friends that stood by and prayed and I grew more and more distant.  I have an amazing network of support.  At work, my boss and other work friends showed so much support and grace.  I changed churches while I as going through the divorce, and was welcomed with open arms by my current church.

God has provided people to believe with me  I know this sounds the same as the last point. But it’s so much more.  Not every friendship is stock full of faith.  Not everyone will believe for great things with you, when things don’t even look mediocre.  These people saw me as strong when I was at my weakest.  They saw me as humble, as I was trying to hide my wounds and wrap them in pride.  They saw me as whole when I was most broken.  They saw who I was in Christ, instead of seeing the heartbroken, struggling woman I was.

God has provided me with time with my daughter.  Aside from the actual pain of the marriage falling apart, the most painful thing for me was losing precious time with my daughter.  Time goes by so fast.  I’ve always appreciated how precious time was.  Here was this miracle child, the one that finally came after 4 miscarriages, and I had to forfeit half of her life.  But God is so amazing!  I have a schedule where I get to spend more time with her than I ever expected.  I get to stay home with her when she is out of school on my possession time.  Talk about an awesome miracle.

God has provided me with an amazing job.  I’m not saying it’s always perfect.  I am saying it’s perfect for me.  I have a good income, and a job I enjoy.

There’s so much more.  Like the time my air conditioner was vandalized, and the repair man charged me 1/3 of what he should have.  Or last Christmas when things were tight and two family members (in-laws) gave me monetary gifts in the exact amounts I needed.  Or even this Christmas, when I sold some items online in record time for MORE than what I posted them for, so I could renovate my daughter’s room.  Or assistance we’ve gotten so that Nadia can participate in some activities she loves.

When you really see God’s heart to provide for you, any kind of worry just seems like a waste of time.  I’m not saying I don’t struggle with it.  I come from a family of worriers, and that seems to be a default setting sometimes.  But every time, I find myself getting pulled toward worrying or self-reliance, I recall all the amazing ways God has already provided.

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?  “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Posted January 20, 2015 by canadianmeesh in Uncategorized

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One response to “Provision

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  1. Beautiful Post.


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